You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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