I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
