The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
