when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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