On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
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The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
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There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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