I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
