So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
