somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
