I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
