You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
