I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
