He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
