I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
