some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
