I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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