im having a threesome with these popsicles
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
