my mouth tastes like poor choices
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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