Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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