Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
