rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
