it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
