in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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