You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
