We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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