Tell her she can't have a vagina
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
