Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
