NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
