They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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