We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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