I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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