My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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