Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
