My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Randomize
