We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize