and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
