my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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