Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Your mouth is God's brothel.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
