I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
