that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
