dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
