love makes seman taste better
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
