I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
