if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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