Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Let's paint friendship bongs
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
