Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
