it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
