Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
What a dumb baby whore.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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