I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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