Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
