do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
