Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
