I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
