You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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