Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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