my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
