Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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