There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
