Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
