so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
