Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
