I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
