The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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