he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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