I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
