I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
