I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
