I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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