My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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