textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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