he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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