Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
