Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
