she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I think I sprained my soul last night
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
