I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Holy sore nipples Batman
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Randomize
