Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Randomize
