Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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