I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Randomize
