Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too high and old for this...
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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