the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
